i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
