I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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