we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
