I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
