Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
