Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
