She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
