i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
