atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize