I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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