Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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