the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize