ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
