Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
