arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
