The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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