defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
