Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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