What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
