I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
