Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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