i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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