Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize