you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
