Porn is love you can see.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
