Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want nice things and good sex
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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