You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
