There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
