in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
