Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
