I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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