operation harelip BJ is a go
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
