Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
