Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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