D3 body, D1 cock
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
