Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
