I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
