So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
