I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
