I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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