If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
