so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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