We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
