Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
