I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
