Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
