he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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