I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
