real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
