Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
