are you so shy because you have an std?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
