Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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