??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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