Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize