Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
