I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
