Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
