No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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