i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
