Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
