Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
