dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
