Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize