Too much gin, very little bucket
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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