theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
