Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
