I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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