it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
