i just wanna soil my oats bro
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
