Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
