I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
