I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
how does that bad decision feel?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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