My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So much rum. So many feels.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
