never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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