So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
