yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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