hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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