Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
