see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
