1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
