YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
