Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
