Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
