They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
