I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
