in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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