Swine flu. Run for my life!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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