i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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