theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
