if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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