Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
