Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
