I wanna passion pit in your ass
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
