I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
