she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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