First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
