how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
