Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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